rhubs

Shit! Everything got so fucked up!

2005-09-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

A lot of things happened in these past few days. And majority of those things were really bad.

An example of such a bad thing is this blog itself. Its not that I am saying that having a blog site sucks. But, did you notice that two recent blogs have disappeared? It is because I deleted it. I mean, I had a choice not to delete it. But I still decided to delete the two recent blogs both here and in my multiply site. And those who are wondering why I deleted them? Well its just as simple as this. I erased the two recent blogs because she found out the URL of this blog site, my blog site. And when she read the two recent posts, she got really mad. From "naiirita" to "napipikon." And that was not a good thing. She got mad because I put the names of her friends who were actually "innocent." She said that I could have just asked her instead of "researching" or nosing around. But, is it really my fault? I mean how could I ask her who the other guy was as she said if she herself also did not want to tell me who he is. All arguments aside, I deleted the two recent blogs. I deleted them because it would make her happy. And I would do anything to make her happy. Her birthday is a few weeks away already. And I think she even found out about my surprise gift to her. Well, at least it is just one of the number of surprises that awaits her.

But things did not end with the blog incidents. It was last Sunday, September 18, 2005 that I took my ACET in the Grade School. It was hard! Specifically the abstract reasoning and the last part. Abstract Reasoning was only ten minutes long and the last part was only 30 minutes long.

Then, it was also the distribution of our report cards the next day! At least I only failed one subject. But it had to be 74! I would understand if it was really low. But it was really more frustrating knowing the fact that I was only a point shy from having a passing mark. Well thats life. I just have to do better this 2nd term. Not just for me but for her as well.

Requirements

2005-08-04T18:38:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I wrote a blog. This is due to unending requirements, quizzes, and the like from teachers and other miscellaneous activities. We have an Investgatory Project for Physics concerning a baloon powered car; a Public Service Advertisement for Media concerning cigarette smoking; a weekly TD Lesson Plan for TD concerning the English subject; a draft for English concerning a critique; and a whole lot more. Yet, there are still upcoming long tests, quizzes, and even exams with these projects and/or requirements.

Speaking of examinations, UPCAT is just a few days away. I don't know, I have not even begun to study yet. And yet, I know that I don't know shit when it comes to answering the difficult questions. What I find disturbing is the fact that I am just relaxing. No preparation at all. This is suicide. I have no idea what will happen to me.

Bahala na...

I have a lot of things in mind. A series of unfortunate events perhaps? I am not sure. All I know is that I am having a hard time in a lot of things. My face left arm hurts from that fall. Haha! In Physics, in Math, in Filipino, in a problem that I cannot say to anyone (yet?) except to myself. And even until now, I still often let myself get used by other people. I'm thinking if I should "work" for myself again. Back to the old me perhaps? The kid who didn't care about others feelings and their "belongings." Maybe, I should be back to what I once was before... ...alone...

My Konstantine?

2005-07-11T20:10:00.000+08:00

I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand all the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big dreams
It's always you, in my big dreams

And you tell me that its over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers
And your restless, and I'm naked
You've gotta get out
You can't stand to see me shakin'
No, could u let me go?
I didn't think so

And you don't wanna be here in the future
So you say the present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't wanna look much closer
Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky, by now, had, crashed
And it did because of me

And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, oh
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room to live

And I had dreams, In them I learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country, become a rock star
And there was hope in me that I could take you there
But damnit, you're so young
Well I don't think I care
And if I hurt you, then I'm sorry
Please don't think that this was easy

And then you bring me home
Cause we both know what it's like to be alone, oh
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room to live

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking, what I was thinking
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere

My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do was touch her long, blonde hair
And I've been thinkin, It hurts me thinking
That these nights when we were drinking
No they never got us anywhere, No

This is because I can spell confusion with a 'K'
And I can like it
It's to dying in another's arms
And why I had to try it
Its to Jimmy Eat World
And those nights in my car
When the first star you see
May not be a star
I'm not your star

Isn't that what you said
What you thought this song meant

And if this is what it takes
Just to lie with my mistakes
And live with what I did to you
All the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock
It's 11:11, and now you wanna talk
It's not hard to dream
You'll always be My Konstantine

My Konstantine
They'll never hurt you like I do
No they'll never hurt you like I do
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

This is to a girl
Who got into my head
With all the pretty things she did
Hey, you know
You keep me up in bed

This is to a girl
Who got into my head
With all these fucked up things I did
Hey, maybe, baby
You could keep me up in bed

My Konstanine
You spin around me like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And i said
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I miss you?
Did you know I miss you?
Did you know I miss you?
I miss you

And then you bring me home
And we go to sleep
But this time not alone
And i know, and you'll kiss me in your living room
I know, I know you miss me in your living room
Cuz these nights I think
Maybe that i miss you in my living room

But we don't have much room
I said does anybody need that room
Because we all need a little more room
To live

My Konstantine

in need of guidance, help, and other kinds of shit...

2005-07-06T20:58:00.000+08:00

It was on a Friday when everything fell down. The day the text message was sent to her due to a prank pulled by some classmates. It was a message which was sent too early and was sent through the wrong medium. Painful messages of: "I'm really flattered but I think we are better off as friends;" "Don't worry, diba sabi ko naman sayo before na hindi nagbabago tingin ko sa mga ganung bagay. friends pa din tayo of course;" "Ya, I like him JR.. As in I'm serious that I like HIM;" "Ganun na nga.. I hope your not mad. I hate doing this, saying to people na friends lang ang kaya ko ibigay. I'm really sorry.."

Tang ina… tama na nga ang formal na pagsasalita dito… everything I write now doesn’t need to be grammatically correct.

Sino bang hindi maiinis? Ako na nagpakahirap para maging close sa kanya. Nagpakahirap para kahit sa gabing iyon ay maging masaya kami. Oo nagenjoy nga siya’t ako. Pero, did it have to come at a price. Bakit siya napunta sa kaklase ko? Naiinis na talga ako. Nagagalit. Oo sinabi ko sa kaniya na friends na lang for the sake of it. Dahil baka pag namilit ako, baka wala pa akong makuha.

Wala akong karapatan magalit. Sabi ko nga sa iba, unexplainable ang anger ko sa classmate ko. Wala siyang ginawa kasi alam niyang gusto ko yung girl na yun. Wala siyang kasalanan. Kasalanan ba niyang pinanganak siya with looks at sapin-sapin na talent? Malamang hinde. Galit nag alit lang siguro ako sa kanya kasi sakanya pumupunta yung gusto ko. At wala akong magagawa tungkol dito. Pwede na nating sabihin na nagseselos ako.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano gagawin ko. I’m in the brink of giving up. Much worse if I go back to the way I was before I met her. I can’t think straight anymore. Gusto ko na magsimula ng away, ng scandal, ng gulo. Pero I know I will be in the losing end. Ewan ko na… I need guidance… E boys (well except YOU siguro), tulong naman… ayoko kasi maghanap ng iba kahit sinasabi niyong marami pang iba. I just can’t let her go. Kasi I don’t want to quit on her. Help...

dota blues

2005-06-30T20:48:00.000+08:00

today was very disappointing. my gameplay in dota today was really bad. even with lion, the demon witch, my games today was really bad. during the first game, lion pretty much died a lot more often than killing heroes. it came to the point that i was a couple of levels behind. even with matt, wiley, ragi, and tyrone backing me up, my efforts were still in vain. thus, we lost to mel, gela, sonki, kenji, and kris.

1 - 0... damn... a bad beginning. yet, my troubles did not stop there. yes the second game may be a lot more productive than the first since we won but i was still a couple of levels behind. in my opinion, i was still no good. though we were tied, i did not make any important assists or kills.

then it things began to turn out really bad. i tried to use kardel sharpeye, the sniper. omg! i really sucked! no kills and a lot of deaths! it was a nightmare! a nightmare i could not get out of!

i thought taking a break would loosen my nerves and relax me for the next game. yet, it became a living nightmare! i just wanted it to end.

in other words, PATALO AKO! kakahiya... until now, i do not know what happened.

just thinking right now.... why you may ask? becuase until now, i still do not have any idea what kind of gift to give her. will i buy it, or make it? will i also tell her when i give the gift? so many questions, so many uncertainties... i always think i got everything figured out. and yet, i always end up with more unanswered questions than with answers.

salu-salo

2005-06-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

today, a lot of things happened. we had CAT first in the morning. a lot of commands and shit... tang ina, 1st day pa lang. luckily, it was only a fellow cadet who was assigned to us. can't imagine what it is like during the upcoming CAT days. anyway, after CAT, we had classes from 1pm - 5pm. it is during these times that it is sooooo boring. then there was mass. a waste of 2 hours of my time.

after the long wait...finally salu-salo na rin... masaya. even the parents enjoyed. i enjoyed. especially trina and her friends arrived. hehe! ü i even got to dance with her during a song or two while yoyo danced with eia and migs danced with tin. basta, masaya ng sobra. hehe! 10pm na nga nakauwi sina trina eh...hehe! buti na lang di sila pinagalitan. mabait naman daw kasi sila. hehe!

sana maulit uli... sobrang saya ko! yahoo!!!!! thanks lance!

first day funk

2005-06-08T19:45:00.000+08:00

first day of school! damn, had to wake early again since the service arrives early. and since it was the first day, it was so hard waking up! and my breakfast wasn't that good since it was only oatmeal. no taste. yuck. it took me so much time preparing, i was almost left by the service. hehe!

arrived finally in ateneo. not much has changed. except for our teachers. our moderator, Ms. Sales, is ok. not that strict yet not that lenient either. actually, almost all our teachers were ok. our math teacher was the only one i did no get along with. the reason is because she's strict. so we got to know them and heard the usual grading system shit. and took note of the other requirements.

after all the boring stuff, we were finally dismissed. as our driver said, i was in the first day funk. why you ask? i was in the "first day funk daw" since when we were dismissed, i directly went to Blue Skies and played dota for a while. i did not even tell the service that i was not going home with them. thus, they waited for me in the high school campus. hehe!

after playing DOTA in Blue Skies, i went to KFC to meet with my friend Yzel. I also got to meet her two friends, Kim and Mae (Yzel, di ako sure sa spelling.) We were supposed to go to national bookstore but we were stuck inside kfc due to the strong rain. so after the hard rain stopped, we went to national bookstore. and while traveling from the tricycle to the bookstore, i saw *** ****** walking in an ahs uniform. so he finally got the 30k.

after the shopping of requirements in national, Yzel and i went to starbucks to relax. though we were able to talk about a lot of stuff while we were in starbucks, our stay there was cut due to a phone call from my mom telling me to go home. so i said goodbye to Yzel and went staright home via the LRT.

i finally got home and took a bath since i got wet from the rain. then, i checked some mail. a lot has happened today. and i enjoyed majority of these events. i hope tommorrow will be the same.

Bonding!

2005-06-02T00:06:00.000+08:00

last day ng classes ng LSC. nung 1st day of class, akala ko wala lang to. akala ko after the review, kalimutan na dahil ang pinunta ko lang doon ay review. pero nakilala ko ng sobra-sobra ang ilan sa mga classmates ko. isang example dito ay ang groupo nina brice, si, noemi, si kevin, at ang kapatid niyang si kai. talagang hindi makukumpleto ang klase sa review pag wala yang si brice. baket? dahil pag wala siya, ang tahimik. kahit tawa wala. si brice ang isa sa mga nagpapabuhay sa class. siya yung nagtatanggal ng pagkabagot mo lalo na 8am-5pm ang klase.

nakilala ko rin sina rhia, trina, jo, jaire, ara , at jenn. small world pala kasi yung ibang kilala nila, kilala ko rin dahil kaklase nila, o kaibigan, o kung ano man. at masaya sila kasama! ang dali pa kasundo! ü

at kahit nakilala ko lang sa 2nd to the last day ng klase, nakasundo ko agad sina yzel at trish. nakakagulat, anak pala sila nina tracy at kiks(kaklase ko.) kaasar nga at ngayon ko lang sila nakilala. pero di bali. hindi naman namin kakalimutan ang isa't isa.

kaya nga gumimik kami kanina sa gateway eh. kumain, nagtimezone, nagpicture, nagkalat. pero hindi na natuloy yung movie. umuwi ng maaga yung iba kasi di nagpaalam. hehe! at yung iba talagang kailangan. pero ok lang. this gimik is the 1st ng TSIKSILOG (barkada name namen na ginawa ni brice,) but sure won't be the last.

freedom

2005-05-31T07:21:00.001+08:00

im free! wala na kami ni ******! nakawala na rin ako sa sobrang gamit niya sa pera ko! mas makakaDOTA na ako ngayon! at pwede ko na igastos ang iba kung saan ko gusto!

nakakatawa nga kasi ang bilis niya din makalimot. hehe! nagtext ako kung kelan niya ibabalik yung libro tapos reply niya: "yes, this is ***... do i know you?" aba... hehehe! naghahamon ata. maswerte ka na nga at di ko binawi cellphone na binigay ko gago! di bale, kung ganyanan e di babawiin ko lahat. ako pa yung hinamon mo. tang ina... alam mo naman kaya kong kunin yan ng di mo napapansin. pero partida... iiwan ko yung sim card. haha!

pero pag binenta na niya... ok lang... kukuha na lang ako ng kahit ano sa bahay mo. onga pala... *** ******...PUTANG INA MO... hehehe!

happy end?

2005-05-29T17:38:00.000+08:00

a lot has happened in these past 3 months. a lot of highs and lows. summer vacation has a lot of ways to give us a lot of experiences in just a short time.

a lot of yfc events that brought me places. from meetings in mcdo sikatuna, to simple gimiks and get togethers in gateway or a members house, to a 2 day outing in Silang, Cavite, to a youth camp in nearby marikina. but even if we did a lot of bonding stuff, nobody can avoid hatred of some members with each other. and despite the efforts of chapter heads, all afforts just ended up in failure. but whatcan we do? all efforts are futile especially i we have members who are too snappy, or too lazy, or too apathetic, or too slutty, or too good to be true? it is even disappointing to see people higher up like cluster heads, sector heads, or even couple coordinators or higher who cook up stupid plans or ideas and just leave us members hanging if they FUCK UP! they can't even answer our questions why they thought of such ideas when it fucks up! TANG INA NIYO MGA GAGO!

at least there are times when I can spend time with my classmates to play in computer shops to play DOTA to compensate with such disappointing events in yfc. yahoo! DOTA! a game like no other. my classmates, friends and I can play for hours. i even remember playing DOTA last Friday for about 6-7 hours with friends, classmates, and dazers. for people who play DOTA with me, you know who i usually use when it comes to DOTA. but to those who don't, it is Lion the Demon Witch. Hahaha! With a character with a stun spell, a hex spell, a large amount of hp/mana, and frikinly annoying ultimate, who can stop him/me? well naturally there are SOME who can. especially Matt, Shooli, Mel, Gela, Ragi, Sonki. there may be others but i haven't played with them yet so i don't know. Lion is my personal favorite but i also use other character as well. KAYA MAGINGAT KAYO, HINDI NA LION LANG ALAM KO! hehe!

of course, summer vacation isn't just about playing DOTA or going places with yfc. i also have to study especially i'm already graduating next school year. i even already gave my application form to UP last Thursday. thus, i started going to a college review in LSC. out of 60 students, we are just 4 ateneans. hehe! thankfully, our other classmates are ok. though i sometimes cut classes to play DOTA since classes are held at the ISO, i still study and listen when i am at class. but sometimes i just sleep in class. hehe! sayang daw sa pera. haha!

summer vacation has given me a lot these past 3 months. summer made me go places, play longer, study longer(FUCK,) made me ruin my friendship with my "bestfriend," meet a new bestfriend(diba BF? hehe!,) and go crazy about a 30,000 pesos problem which i haven't solved up to now. but through all the good and the bad, summer vacay taught me one thing. ENJOY LIFE PARE! sabi nga ni Bob Marley: "in every life we have some trouble...when wou worry you ake it double so DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY. the land lord say your rent is late he may have to litigate DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY. cause when you worry your face will frown and that will make everybody down so DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY." so what can i say finally about this summer vacation? BE HAPPY PARE! ENJOY LIFE! TANG INA, DI PA TAPOS ANG BAKASYON!

why do i still feel that something is missing?

2005-05-02T22:11:00.000+08:00

wow! natapos na ang sobrang nakakapagod na youth camp namin kahapon! hehe! at ngayon lang ao nagising. totally nagset-in kahapon sa bahay yung energy na naubos ko. ang daming nangyari! at kahit hindi ganoon karami ang participants like the other chapter, ok lang kasi lahat naman naging ok sa huli. from the ids, creatives, talks, sharings, at marami pang iba.

yet, bakit kahit lahat sa youth camp ay ok, why do i still feel that there is a void in me... telling me that something is missing. maybe it is because i didn't tell her bout it talaga. kainis, nagpakaplastic ako! wahh! :(

hay naku... di ko na talaga alam kung anong gagawin. una, maraming ok sa plan. tapos after a while kumonti dahil yung iba sabi daw wag na ituloy due to personal and "painful" reasons. finally, lahat sinabing wag na. ewan ko, i felt na they were really not for the plan all along. pinaasa lang ako. pero hindi lang nila alam... tinuloy ko. sana nga the person involved got the message. both literally and figuratively.

*ikaw ______, kung mabasa mo ito... you know what i mean. kung totoo man yung sinabi nila or not, bahala na. kung may masisira, sorry. kailangan ko natlagang sabihin.

eto.. wala lang..

kung sinabi mo noon ako'y iyong mahal
di sana ay tayo na ang nagkatuluyan
at sinabi ko noon ikaw ang mahal ko
ito'y tapat at may dalang walang hanggang pangako

kung sinabi mo noon ikay may pagtingin
di sana ay wala ng makakapaghadlang sa atin
nung sinabi ko noon na ikaw lang ang mahal
ang nasa isip ko ito'y magtatagal

seemed that yesterday's break was useless

2005-04-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

today was really a pain! it seemed that my break yesterday with useless after all the things i had to do today! a meeting at 1pm that ended at about 5pm. such a waste of time for there was really a big lack of attention from the majority of the service team. tang ina, lalo na c tim! nakakaburat lang talaga pagnakakakita ka ng isang bata who turned out to be selfish. fuck, all he thought about was himself. nangdamay pa ng iba. kala ko sa subic lang..yun pala hanggan dito pa rin. tsk! tapos c janina, ewan ko kung ano nangyari doon. ang kapal lang talaga. feeling masyado. .....pathetic....

ako na tuloy nagkusa simulan yung IDs. buti nga may mga seryoso pa rin magtrabaho. example dun cna wella, sol, carla, button, jayvee, at dayan. yung iba naman katulad nina rona at geryx, epal lang. buti nalang may mga dating members na nagin active pala. sayang, aircon pa naman ang youth camp... sabog nga lang ang mga majority sa nagaayos. ...God Will Make A Way... even if ...There Seems To Be No Way...

hayyy.... tapos na rin ang IDs. ipapakita ko na lang sa kanila.

...time to relax... ...taking a break...

2005-04-19T21:21:00.000+08:00

today, i treated myself to a well deserved break. of all the things i did for the past week, perhaps a day of relaxation was ok. i then learned from matt that they were going to watch a movie in Gateway. he invited me to go so i agreed to meet them inside the mall for Gateway was just about 5 blocks away from my home. good timing too for i had no idea on what to do that morning. so i prepared myself to meet them and just walked to Gateway. hehe... i even thought for a moment that the thing was cancelled. maybe i wouldn't have waited so long if i left the house at later time. heh... the price of too much excitement. but who could blame me? it has really been that long since i saw my classmates. to make the long story short, we watched the movie Hide & Seek, a suspense movie. haha! kunwaring pikit pa kami nina robi. haha!

after the movie, we walked around and decided what to do next. while thinking and walking at the same time, we saw our 2nd year english teacher Miss Abola. hehe! then, majority decided to just hang-out in matt's place. that was when i told them that i had to leave for i was only limited to go in the vicinity of the cubao area. so, i bid them goodbye.

while walking home, i decided to have an haircut. having long hair is really not just for me. it is really troublesome. quite a hassle really. hehe!

what a fun day....i even recieved a "gift" from my aunt in canada.... yehey! may pambayad na rin ako sa line ko! tapos kong mabayaran, ayaw ko na magline. hehe!

BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!

2005-04-18T21:32:00.000+08:00

so many things to do, so little time! omg! we only have less than 2 weeks left to fix the upcoming youth camp ng YFC sa April 29 to May 1. buti na lang may break ako sa april 23 with the open batch party of SHS sa FERNDALE homes multi-purpose hall. sayang at mabilis lang. 7-12pm kasi. pero at least mura at 100/head with 2 welcoming drinks pa.

so many planning to do! i'm just glad that my service team is here to help me. we even had a meeting today here at my house. too bad that not everyone made it and there were also people who were not invited that visited. and the meeting started at 3pm. it was so late that we ended early yet in a very late time. just hope God gives me the strength to overcome these obstacles.

hayyy... i'm glad that the night is about to end and i'm about to sleep. today was really tiring, hope tomorrow is not as tiring today. but i doubt that since i have to make the IDs for the YFC youth camp.

try this site... hehe!

to every story, there is an end... this is my beginning

2005-04-17T15:14:00.000+08:00

Finally, I'm able to start again writing blogs. Hehehe...may oras na kasi. And since I'm beginning to write in my blog again, I also decided to make a new blog site overall. The last one was really just a drag. Maybe, in here, things might get more interesting. And this time, I'll try not to make my blogs so long that people will just get bored reading them. ..my beginning..